March 1

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It was 11:50 p.m. on February 29, and there was very little Ahab was interested in doing less to end his Leap Day than driving to the Quad Cities.

It was one thing to have to work late — far later than usual — to finish a project up at work. But to follow that up with a several-hour drive out to Davenport for a coworker’s wedding? One that he didn’t particularly want to go to but felt obligated to anyway? Yeah, that’ll sour anyone’s mood.

Worse still, the radio was acting up in his old beater of a car. The eagle was out in a relatively rural area, but he had only just passed Iowa City. There was no way the signal should’ve deteriorated this quickly. In fact, he heard nothing but constant static, no matter which station he turned to. He sighed and turned it off.

Ahab drove the next several miles in a relative trance, letting his mind zone out on the almost entirely empty highway. Only once his peripheral vision caught the headlights of a car in his side mirror did he snap out of it. He turned his head to watch the car pass as it entered his blind spot, and did a double-take as he saw something absolutely stunning and unexpected: the northern lights.

Aurora could occasionally be sighted this far south, but rarely as brilliant and distinct as it was on this night. Ahab hit the brakes and pulled over to the shoulder to snap a picture and get a better look. Damn, past midnight already, he thought as he caught a glimpse of his phone’s lock screen. I’ll be lucky if I get there by 1 a.m., at this rate.

But this opportunity was too good to miss. The eagle unbuckled his seat belt to get out of his car… and immediately slammed his head into the vehicle’s ceiling. “Ow!” he yelped, rubbing his scalp as he opened the door and climbed out.

Ahab stood and marveled at the beautiful aurora for a few minutes, not even minding the chilly midnight air. Then, satisfied (and remembering he still had another hour to drive), he turned back to get back into his car.

…which was much smaller than it was when he’d gotten out of it. Ahab looked around, confused. Then another car of a similar size zipped by the eagle on the highway. The cars hadn’t gotten smaller, he’d gotten…

As soon as Ahab began to realize what was happening, the growth hit him like a freight train. Ahab exploded out of his clothes as he surged upward in size. The eagle grew hundreds of meters in a matter of seconds, topping out at roughly half a mile tall.

The obliteration of his clothes left him fully nude, but he didn’t mind, for a few reasons: The surge of adrenaline kept him warm enough, for now. And even if he were the type to be embarrassed, it’s not like there were many people on the highways at this time of night to see him.

But on the contrary, Ahab didn’t mind the occasional ogling look — he’d worked hard on his body and enjoyed showing it off. And now there was even more of it: In additional to the excessive new size, the eagle had clearly gained some bulk. He smiled as he watched his muscles ripple while he stretched out, not really understanding how he’d suddenly grown into such a behemoth but certainly not complaining. It felt normal, in a way. It felt right.

From this height, he could now easily see the lights of not just Davenport, but many of the other smaller cities and towns around it. Clusters of twinkling lights sprang out of the darkness all along the horizon, and a devious idea soon filled the mind of the enormous eagle.

If it weren’t nighttime, and if Ahab’s cock wasn’t jet black, perhaps residents of the rural outskirts would have been able to see the bird’s particularly well-endowed member begin to rise and throb. The shine of the aurora may indeed have provided the light needed to see the eagle’s arousal, had anyone been looking at the right angle.

Ahab’s genitals had clearly grown in proportion to his towering body; his plump nuts hung like basketballs between his knees, and they swung back and forth with significant heft as he began to walk.

His steps were gentle at first; tentative and hesitant as he took in his size and the feeling of wide swaths of farmland beneath his talons. It took no more than a few minutes for Ahab to reach the Quad Cities, much faster than he’d planned on by car.

But Ahab’s plans of stopping in Davenport had changed. He knew that the Quad Cities spanned the Mississippi River, and that if he followed the river south, he’d soon come across a city that’d be much more fun to “visit.”

Ahab’s eagle eyes quickly located the river, and he took a right turn, beginning to walk more carelessly as he followed river’s path. A handful of small cities dotted the sides of the river along his chosen route, their lights extinguished one by one as the avian’s broad soles swept over and planted themselves firmly in the center of each.

Each step rumbled like thunder across the farmland, albeit on a perfectly clear night. And Ahab’s beak produced some additional low rumbles as he savored the feeling of various structures crumbling like dust underneath his heavy bird paws.

The time of night and relative darkness kept word of the sudden appearance of an avian kaiju from spreading, and by the time he reached his eventual destination, the surprise had not yet been spoiled for all but a few night owls.

Ahab chuckled as he loomed over St. Louis. He’d never been particularly fond of this city, not to mention its Gateway Arch, which now looked from his superior view like a gaudy trinket.

Not to worry, the huge bird thought. I’ll replace it with a much more fitting landmark. The eagle dropped to one knee and carefully positioned himself over the monument, letting his junk swing in the cool midnight air above it.

And then, without any further warning, Ahab let his balls drop, smothering the Arch and much of the surrounding city under his heavy, musky nuts. “There, that’s a much better view for your skyline,” he teased as he leaned back and began to slowly stroke his throbbing shaft.

“Say, you’re on the river,” Ahab continued. “When was the last time you lot had a major flood? I think it’s about time you had another.” A single drop of avian precum fell from the eagle’s colossal member as he finished his sentence, leaving a crater where it impacted the pavement. There was little doubt what sort of flood he had in mind.